Its a damp, dark, Spring morning…a cozy one. My little ones are on their way to school, I finished making their beds, cleaning the dishes, and I was getting ready to leave for work.
As I was moving about, I heard the rain tapping against my window, reminding me to be more present. I began to slow down, and noticed that time was on my side. I gave myself a Reiki shower, and then I meditated.
I was moved to begin my meditation by feeling gratitude – I smiled as I thought of my children, my husband, my friends, my life, and from there…I tapped into my mom.
I began to cry…
For most of my life, I complained about the relationship I thought I never had with my mom. I felt I had much to heal, and to grow from.
I remember being in kindergarden and money was tight – she worked during the day, and my dad worked at night, so that one parent is always home with us. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t around…
When she chose to stay home with us instead, I remember giving her a hard time about not having what all the other kids on my block had, and how resentful I was when I sometimes got a spanking for being ungrateful. I had wished she just worked like all the other moms…
I remembered how she agreed to purchase our first home, but as a teenager I had other interests, and was not really grateful for all the overtime and sweat, she put into work so that we can finally have what all the other kids had.
I also remember her sacrificing herself, her needs, and anything that had to do with her, so that my brother and I “had it all”. She never spent time with friends, went to a spa, had a getaway – nothing. Life was all about her children. She did everything within her capacity to give us her “everything.”
I used to resent that as well, and felt that it was a guilt trip.
After years of life, self love, personal work, and practicing forgiveness, I can say that my mother is like no other. She is my biggest teacher, and the most selfless, most generous, most thoughtful, loving person I have ever met.
She may have not told me she loved me as much as I would have wanted to hear it, but I can tell you that, through every thoughtful choice and action…she was all Love.
Her actions paint a picture of what motherhood meant to her. And whether others relate to her definition of it, or not, it was what felt right to her. Through my experience as a child, I have learned so much from her that has led me to be the kind of mother I chose to be.
As my mother’s daughter, I too work hard and give my children “everything”, in a way that resonates with me, who I am, and what I feel my children need. And it fulfills my entire being to be able to give in the way that I do.
I can only hope that one day, after many ups and downs, during one of her meditations, my daughter can tune into what I have offered her, and take from it what she needs.
The mother I am today, and the life I lead today is a direct result of the selfless love my mother knew to give to us. I have grown to know that all her actions (even the ones that seemed painful), were all an expression of her love, and the way she knew how to show it.
And so this post, I dedicate to her, to all the moms in my ancestry that have poured their love onto me and my children; and to every single mother out there.
No matter how you choose to define motherhood, aknowledge yourself for all the Love that you have received, and are passing on. Hug yourself for all that you have given, for all that you give, and all that you intend to give.
No matter how it is expressed in this moment, it is your Love that will make all the difference in your life, your family and in the world.
I honor you for the mother that you are.
Take a moment today and think of your mom. What feelings come up for you? What can you be grateful for?
Wishing you a blessed Mother’s Day,